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Monklands District Council

Fergus McCann invites David Murray for a tour of the latest improvements at Celtic Park. They take their seats in the Directors' box looking down on the empty stadium and McCann opens a door to reveal a complex control panel.
'Watch this,' he says, pushing a button. Murray watches as the pitch sinks and is flooded with water to become an Olympic-standard swimming pool.
'Very nice,' comments Murray.
'Wait till you see this,' says McCann, and he presses another button. The pool gradually freezes over to become an ice-hockey pitch.
'Never seen anything like it,' Murray has to admit, through gritted teeth.
'I'm not finished yet,' says his host. 'This is for concerts.' Yet another button is depressed, which makes the frozen surface revolve, to be replaced by ranks of seating.
'All I can ask,' says Murray, plainly impressed, 'Is how much this all cost you?'
'I don't mind telling you that this lot set me back all of two grand.'
'You're joking! Who could possibly do all this work for buttons like that?'
'Listen, if you keep it to yourself I'll give you a contact number for the people I used.'
Murray is delighted and his first action on getting back to Ibrox is to ring the number.
'Hello,' says the voice that answers, 'Monklands District Council.'




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