Old Firm supporters are nothing if not widely travelled and they have a habit
of turning up in the furthest-flung corners of the world, even (believe it or
not) in places where they don't play football. The story is told of a merchant
ship somewhere off the coast of Australia which was summoned by radio to go to
the assistance of an airliner that had been forced to ditch in the sea. When the
ship arrived at the scene the crew were horrified to find that every one of the
unfortunate passengers had been eaten by sharks. All, that is, except one wee
man seen floating in the water clinging to a piece of wreckage. He was thrown
a line and duly hoisted aboard, where he lay on the deck exhausted, clad only
in his underpants. The captain looked on as his medical officer attended to the
half-conscious survivor. 'Now that's what I call a lucky man,' he said, 'I wonder
what quirk of fate decided that he was the only one to live?'
His first mate, a man from Govan, was quick to come up with the answer.
'That's easy. See that tattoo on his chest?'
The captain examined the tattoo. 'What does it say? . . . Glasgow Celtic, best
The first mate shrugged. 'There ye are. No even a shark wid swallow that.'