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Farmer In Hell
A farmer dies and, having lived a sinful life, goes to hell. The Devil checks
him in and assigns him some accommodation, promising to drop by later and see
how he's getting on. When the Devil pays his visit he sees that the farmer doesn't
seem to be suffering as much as the rest of the damned souls. He checks the heating
controls and sees that they are set for 90 degrees with 80% humidity. He then
asks the farmer why he seems to be comfortable. The son of the soil replies: 'This
suits me fine. It's like a braw June day and me out ploughing the fields.'
The Devil can't be doing with happy customers, so he ups the temperature to 100
degrees and the humidity to 90%. He then goes back to check on the farmer.
'Even better,' says the new guest, 'Just like a scorcher in July when I'm pulling
up weeds.'
The Devil now begins to get hot under the collar and takes extreme action, turning
up the heat to 120 degrees and the humidity to 100%. Surely this will bring the
farmer to his knees. But no, there he is grinning away as before.
'Man, this is the life! It puts me in mind of working away in the silo in the
middle of a nice hot August.'
By now the Devil has completely lost the rag and decides the only way to make
this person suffer as he should is to try something he's never done before. He
turns the temperature right down, to way below freezing, and the humidity to zero.
Convinced he must have triumphed by this he is astounded when he finds the farmer
happier than ever, dancing up and down in glee on the newly-formed ice. When asked
how he can be so overjoyed, the farmer yells in delight: 'Hullo! Celtic must've
finally won the Premier League!'
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