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All The Perks

At an expense not too injurious to the fabled biscuit tin, Celtic have just signed a new player from Partick Thistle. The new Bhoy is being shown round the facilities at Parkhead and is very much impressed by the luxuriousness of it all compared to what he has been used to. He takes it all in wide-eyed, from the trophy room, the portraits of illustrious players and managers on the walls, the lovely hostesses in their Celtic tartan suits, to the well-appointed changing rooms with the names of players he has long admired fixed above the individual clothes hooks. He can hardly believe his ears when the manager tells him what kind of salary and bonuses he can expect, the brand new high-performance car he will be given, the help with buying a new house. To crown it all, the boss lets him know that he will be given a game for the first team that very Saturday.
'You'll have forty-five minutes to let us see what you can do, then you'll get pulled off at half-time.'
'Is that right?' says the new Celt, 'They only gie ye an orange at Firhill!'


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